Werewolves have always fascinated me as a literary metaphor for the subconscious. This wild part of ourselves that we cannot control, manifesting itself in animalistic shape, seems to haunt our collective dreams. While doing research for my novel Frostbite, I spoke with many people who responded quite strongly to the imagery of the wolf, of transformation, and of the moon. I even found people who truly believed they were werewolves themselves–just as I had met “real-life vampires” while working on previous books. These encounters always left me feeling vaguely uneasy, but it wasn’t until they started to intrude on my private life that I got scared. After one such interview, I went down to my mailbox the next morning and found a package waiting for me. There were no stamps on the envelope, so it must have been delivered by hand. Nor was there any return address. The package contained a book, The Werewolf’s Guide to Life, by Ritch Duncan and Bob Powers. There was a note tucked into the book that simply said, READ THIS. YOU’RE GOING TO NEED IT.
I have yet to discover who sent me the book, but I was able to track down the authors. Ritch and Bob graciously agreed to be interviewed. The following transcribed recording is what they had to say. I have not changed any of their words, or edited out any of their unnerving, frightening, or even threatening comments.
See what they had to say after the jump.
Q: Ritch and Bob, thanks so much for your time.
Ritch: Thank you, David.
Bob: Thanks.
David: I wanted to start out by asking about this book. Why did you choose to write this?
RITCH: We chose to write this book not so much for us, but for the newly bitten werewolf. These people, and they ARE people, are scared, alone and don’t have much time to not only accept what they have become, but to prepare for it. We wrote it for them.
DAVID: So it’s a parody of the self-help genre?
Ritch: I don’t follow.
Bob: I think he’s referring to the review in Hellnotes we got recently that called us “seriously funny fellows.” http://hellnotes.com/the-werewolfs-guide-to-life-book-review No David, while there is humor in the book, certainly, the most important thing is that anyone who was bitten by a wolflike creature during a known transformation date prepare for his or her transformation safely. Our book is the only one we know of that has the information that a newly bitten werewolf needs to survive.
DAVID: Wait–do you think it’s funny, scaring people like this? Now every time somebody gets bitten by a dog, they’re going to think they need to lock themselves up in their rooms three nights a month-
Ritch: Whoh! Let me stop you there. It’s not our intention to scare anyone, and we’re pretty clear about how to determine if what bit you was a werewolf. Also for the record, locking yourself in your room is not what we’d recommend for a first transformation. You want to be away from people at all costs. If you live either with or in close proximity to anyone, your room is the last place you’d want to be.
BOB: Well, not the LAST place you’d want to be.
Ritch: Well, sure.
BOB: An airplane would be worse.
Ritch: Yes, you’re correc-
BOB: Times Square. That’d be bad news.
Ritch: I hear you-
BOB: At a major sporting event or rock concert. That’d be a goddamn bloodbath. WAY worse than in your room.
Ritch: OK! I get it. Yes, there are a lot of places that are worse than your room. I just got flustered is all.
David: How about on live television, while doing the evening news? That would be worse than your room too.
Ritch: Isn’t that from “The Howling?”
David: Yep. I love that movie.
Ritch : You know, that’s what’s got me pissed off- right there. These horror authors, who just casually throws out misinformation, like it’s just some dumb movie. You need to watch what you say.
DAVID: What do you mean “these horror authors?” Do you have some kind of problem with me?
BOB: Take it easy-
DAVID: You know what- you take it easy!
BOB: Did you just growl at me?
DAVID: I did no such thing! Look- I wrote my book to entertain people, that’s all. If my readers find some deeper message in it, that’s their problem.
Ritch: yeah, well if they turn into a werewolf in my neighborhood because they read something in your book that misleads them- then that’s my problem, it’s my neighbor’s problem, and it’s the problem of the entire community of non-violent well adjusted werewolves. When an enraged town goes on a werewolf hunt, nobody stops to ask if “you’re one of the good ones.”
DAVID So you’re actually suggesting that somehow my work of fiction is going to mislead people, even harm them–
Ritch: That’s exactly what I’m saying.
DAVID: Where do you get off?
BOB: David- please sit down. Please.
David: I’ll pace if I want to!
Ritch: You’re not pacing. You’re circling. Around us.
BOB: What’s that bandage on your arm?
DAVID: NOTHING! Look, just because I scratched myself in my sleep–I don’t even remember it happening, actually–doesn’t mean I’m going to turn into a werewolf.
BOB: Nobody said that. Did you say that?
Ritch: I didn’t say that.
DAVID: That’s insanity. I’ll admit, I’ve had some strange urges recently. I’ve even caught myself howling in public. But that’s just because of your book. Your book had some kind of subconscious influence on me, that’s all.
Bob: Well, thanks, I guess? Look- actually, I’m sure you aren’t a werewolf.
Ritch: Positive in fact. You know- let’s cut this short. We’d be happy to listen to you talk about this off mike for a whi-
DAVID: No–no, you listen to me. There is nothing wrong with me. I am perfectly normal.
Ritch: Didn’t say you weren’t.
David: Werewolves are not real. That’s why I can write about them, why I spent so much time–where are you going? Come back here. I have more questions for you! Come back! I need to know more!
The Werewolf’s Guide To Life, by Bob Powers and Ritch Duncan and Frostbite by David Wellington are both available now.
