The Contestants |
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The Breakdown |
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Advantages
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Disadvantages
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Kills
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Kills
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How we think the fight will go
It was a baffling case. Harry had been over the room twenty times, it felt like, in person and in the photos, and it didn’t add up. The princess was gone, and nobody could possibly have scaled the sheer face of the building to get to her. Or even if they somehow did, then they’d have to get the girl out again, presumbly kicking and screaming, slung over a shoulder. Harry flashed back to the glare she’d given him at dinner just a few nights ago and shook his head. Definitely not a girl who would’ve gone easily.
Unless…
Harry jumped up, grabbing his staff and rushing out the office door, leaving his cold coffee and sandwich to molder all over the case files. On top of the desk, slowly developing a coffee stain, was a file labeled C.B., with a photo on top featuring a giant of a man, staring squarely at the camera with sullen blue eyes.
***
“I thought I’d find you here,” said Harry. The other man didn’t move. He’d been waiting when Harry came into the park, sitting with easy grace atop an outcropping of rocks, his sword resting across his knees. How does he get away with carrying that sword, and I have to get an earful every damn time I cut through Chicago’s red tape? Harry let his staff slip lower, preparing to strike. The other man didn’t move.
“How’d you do it?” he said. “How’d you get her to come with you?”
The other man smiled at last. “Are you going to put that toy down, or am I going to have to take it away from you?”
In answer, Harry lunged, firing a burst of energy at the other man–but he was no longer there. No one’s that fast, he thought, and suddenly a fist landed in his back and he dropped the staff.
Harry swore, falling, and rolled onto his back in the dirt just in time to see the barbarian leap over him, silhouetted against the stars, hurling his sword down toward Harry’s throat. Harry yelled and threw up his hands, bouncing the sword away almost instinctually and turning to face his opponent. And just as he turned to strike, he felt a hand close around his throat.
“Knew I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed,” was all he managed, before the Cimmerian’s powerful hands closed down and choked away his life.
Predicted Winner: Conan
Harry Dresden is a character from Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files series; Conan the Barbarian is a character from Robert E. Howard’s Conan stories
Harry Dresden image courtesy of thegryph. Conan image courtesy of Earl Norem
Harry swipes the spell that he saw Ivy use and forms a frictionless force ball around Conan. Conan does a credible impression of a hamster stuck in a ball. Harry calls a wind to fling the ball a couple hundred feet in the air, then dismisses the force ball at the top of the arc.
Repeat as necessary
Clearly, you haven’t read the Dresden books. It’s not a bulletproof coat, it’s a magically reinforced coat. It’s like armor. A couple of adversaries already tried puncturing it with sharp objects. Didn’t work.
In response to Conan being a tactical genius…well, yeah, sure, but that’s assuming Conan knows anything about his opponent going into this, and that’s a whole other ballgame. If we give these guys time to prepare, Dresden’s going to be waiting in that clearing in a magically warded bunker surrounded by razor wire and land mines. Conan’s probably going to arrive at the head of a reawakened mongol army or something. I just don’t see it happening.
Sure, Conan can reevaluate, but my point is that he can’t just look at gun, blasting rod, power ring, duster, staff, shield bracelet, and amulet, and just intuitively grasp everything each weapon can do. Once he’s experienced their effects, he could plan, but by then…
.45 go boom. Conan dead.
Conan adapts almost instantly to any new environment he finds himself in. When he traveled to Hyrkania he learned how to ride a horse and shoot a bow, even though, at first, he thought archery was for pansies. Chances are if Conan finds guns, he’s going to learn how to use them, and be better at using them than anyone else. The whole gun argument is moot.
Sorcerers have been well prepared and waiting for Conan before. He still won. The whole magical bunkers and minefields argument is moot.
Conan always wins. It’s pretty much the entire premise of his character. You don’t read Conan stories to find out what happens, you know what happens, you just want to see what crazy badass stuff Conan pulls off THIS time.
I don’t know every character here but don’t most of these guys always win out in the end?
You can not use they always win as an argument here because that holds true for Harry just as much as it does for Conan.
I’m very much in Harrys corner here. I would like to see one of the Conan backers explain how he can get thru the defenses harry has.
His cost is basically magical armor and has stopped pointy things and bullets, his shield bracelet can stop all manor of weapons. Then he has all of his offensive items and his gun. He also has his magic.
Even if by some chance Conan got thru all of that, as others pointed out, the death curse would end him. And looking at the votes so far I’m guessing Conan will win this but the death curse better lay him low in a later match
Hey I’m a HUGE Dresden fan, and a decent fan of Conan myself, but did anyone think of Harry’s “Fulminos” spell…lightning. Conan’s holding a deadly sword but what happens when that sword becomes a lightning rod….
WTF are you talking about a one-handed Kingslayer beating Conan? That’s just silly. Kingslayer barely beat a horse-faced woman.. granted, he was in chains when he fought her, but still, a horse-faced woman.
Conan > Kingslayer > Everyone else on this list.
What you said, specifically, dude, was that Conan was the most badass.
That’s not true. Conan is badass for dummies, just a big mary-sue he-man who always wins in some incredibly manly way every time, with lots of screwed princesses and flexing of mighty thews along the way.
It’s not who would win, it’s the ATTITUDE I’m talking about, and Jaime Lannister is a far subtler, better-written badass than Conan could ever be.
In a fight…I dunno. I’d have to consider that very carefully. Probably Conan, although Jaime’s armor would be something to consider.
“Look, I don’t care how experienced he is. The wizards and sorcerers in Conan’s books were not Dresden. They did not have anywhere near his abilities, not off the cuff.”
Are you sure about that? We’re talking about guys who can conjure storms, earthquakes and winds strong enough to blow armies away.
“2.) Conan will plant his sword in the ground and gloat about how strong he is and how he cannot be beaten.”
Conan never gloats unless he knows his enemy is dead. And he ALWAYS makes sure before he lets his guard down.
“3.) Harry will use this opportunity and say, “Ventas Servitas!” and bring Conan’s sword to his hand.
4.) Startled, Conan will lunge toward Harry, who brings the sword up just in time.
5.) Conan, having impaled himself on his own sword, will die an ignoble death.”
That assumes Conan’s an idiot.
“Harry swipes the spell that he saw Ivy use and forms a frictionless force ball around Conan. Conan does a credible impression of a hamster stuck in a ball.”
That’s assuming Conan’s stays still long enough to LET Harry form said ball. The only times Conan’s ever been hit by magical projectile were when he’s already sodden with the death of a hundred enemies, or can barely stand as it is.
“Clearly, you haven’t read the Dresden books. It’s not a bulletproof coat, it’s a magically reinforced coat. It’s like armor. A couple of adversaries already tried puncturing it with sharp objects. Didn’t work.”
Does his magic coat protect his neck or head? Conan likes to go for decapitations.
“In response to Conan being a tactical genius…well, yeah, sure, but that’s assuming Conan knows anything about his opponent going into this, and that’s a whole other ballgame. If we give these guys time to prepare, Dresden’s going to be waiting in that clearing in a magically warded bunker surrounded by razor wire and land mines. Conan’s probably going to arrive at the head of a reawakened mongol army or something. I just don’t see it happening.”
No, if you’re giving them time to prepare, Conan will be at the head of a 100,000 strong army, along with some of the most powerful magical items in the Hyborian Age like the Heart of Ahriman, a Akbitanan sword with the Mark of Epemitreus, and Khemsa’s girdle.
“Sure, Conan can reevaluate, but my point is that he can’t just look at gun, blasting rod, power ring, duster, staff, shield bracelet, and amulet, and just intuitively grasp everything each weapon can do. Once he’s experienced their effects, he could plan, but by then…”
You say that as if Conan’s never seen things he doesn’t understand before, especially things that could kill him with ease. Conan’s not an idiot: he’s going to assume that, until proven otherwise, things he don’t understand are likely to be very very dangerous.
“Hey I’m a HUGE Dresden fan, and a decent fan of Conan myself, but did anyone think of Harry’s “Fulminos” spell…lightning. Conan’s holding a deadly sword but what happens when that sword becomes a lightning rod….”
You mean like he did in “Red Nails”, where an undead sorcerer uses an energy-blasting wand that targets metal? Conan killed him. Took him a bit longer since he had to dodge and there were other enemies, but he killed him.
“That’s not true. Conan is badass for dummies, just a big mary-sue he-man who always wins in some incredibly manly way every time, with lots of screwed princesses and flexing of mighty thews along the way.
It’s not who would win, it’s the ATTITUDE I’m talking about, and Jaime Lannister is a far subtler, better-written badass than Conan could ever be.”
Please. Robert E. Howard was one of the greatest fantasy writers of the 20th Century. Your precious GRRM cites him as an inspiration. His work is compared to Tolkien, and collected in organizations like the Library of America and Penguin Classics, organizations dedicated to preserving the best and most important in World Literature. When people like Jack Vance, Gene Wolfe, Clark Ashton Smith and others who could write circles around GRRM talk about what a great writer REH is, I tend to agree with them.
Perhaps you’re basing your Conan on the pastiches, or comics, or dare I say it, the films. Either that, or you don’t know the difference between a Marty Stu and a strong character written to be a badass.
“It’s not who would win, it’s the ATTITUDE I’m talking about, and Jaime Lannister is a far subtler, better-written badass than Conan could ever be.”
You either haven’t read the Martin books, or you haven’t read the Howard books. I’m guessing both.
Just one thin I’d change about how that fight went: “…and Harry felt a hand close around his throat. Harry raises his fist at the center of the muscled mass haunched over him, and empties the kinetic energy in his force rings into it. Conan’s grip is broken as he is physically tossed head over heels and slams into a nearby tree. He is just able to raise to one knee before he hears the shout of “Fuego!” and is reduced to a charred skeleton by a pillar of scorching flame.” HARRY WINS
Conan may be fast, but in order to strangle someone, you usually stand still. superhuman agili-fy that one away.
i have to say, that Harry has dirty rotten luck, but he always gets out of situations like this after a good-n-thorough beating. as Conan is choking the life out of Harry, Sgt. Murphy will shoot Conan in the back, and
“You either haven’t read the Martin books, or you haven’t read the Howard books. I’m guessing both.”
*Rolls eyes* Yes, I’m a Martin fan because I watched the TV series. Oh…wait…
In point of fact, I have read both, though I’ll concede that I didn’t read a lot of Howard’s stuff.
“Please. Robert E. Howard was one of the greatest fantasy writers of the 20th Century. Your precious GRRM cites him as an inspiration. His work is compared to Tolkien, and collected in organizations like the Library of America and Penguin Classics, organizations dedicated to preserving the best and most important in World Literature. When people like Jack Vance, Gene Wolfe, Clark Ashton Smith and others who could write circles around GRRM talk about what a great writer REH is, I tend to agree with them.
Perhaps you’re basing your Conan on the pastiches, or comics, or dare I say it, the films. Either that, or you don’t know the difference between a Marty Stu and a strong character written to be a badass.”
Someone’s quite the fanboy, xD. Don’t get all hot and bothered, man. I’m expressing an opinion that Conan was not as well-written a character as Jaime Lannister, not attacking everything Howard ever did, or trying to turn this into a GRRM v. Howard war (the Kingslayer is my FAVORITE GRRM charrie. That doesn’t mean I like them all equally). I actually thought Howard was a pretty good writer. His stories moved well, he didn’t overdo his dialogue, and he had a real knack for description, on occasion. But when I think of great characterization, I don’t think of Conan.
Shrug* Conan simply did not impress me, when I read his books. I found him tedious, his relationships shallow, and while he could certainly talk a blue streak when he wanted to, I didn’t find in him any of the tragedy and conflict of characters like Lannister, FitzChivalry Farseer, Shadow, or even Kvothe. Conan’s not a bad charrie in my view, but neither is he a great charrie. I never got to know Conan while reading his stories. He was always just the super protagonist who appeared, won the day, and sauntered off into the sunset without a moment’s doubt.
Sorry if that pisses fanboys off, but that’s honestly how I feel on the matter. I require more from a real badass.
Conan could squish Harry Dresden quite easily.
Harry’s superpower is not being squished by things that should, by all rights, squish him.
Harry wins.
Guns + magic > sword + brawn. Sorry, I know Conan’s smarter than most people give him credit for but you can’t bring a sword to a gun fight and hope to win.
Conan defeats all comers, plain and simple, be they magical or mundane. His knack for killing magicians, wizards, and demi-gods is the foundation for the DnD barbarian, with its magic resistance and hatred of all things magical.
For those who think Conan “wasn’t well written”, you don’t understand the 1930’s pulp fiction genre.
Noway Conan can win this, just noway. The only people who vote conan have never read all of the Dresden files. I’m a big fan of both, but Conan is simply out gunned here. Even if conan wins, he loses….Harry’s death curse (as someone stated earlier) would be the end of the line for the barbarian.
I’m a fan of both series, and throughout the literature of both (yes, literature – NOT TV or movies please…), these two both have huge advantages that make this fight a very close one. Too many people are relying on Conan being a fighter of magic users to call him a victor, or Harry’s toys and trinkets that have saved him time and again. I think the key factor to think of here is who is going to take the initiative in the fight.
Typically, Conan is an aggressor. This is his primary role, whether using cunning or brawn. He prevails most times when in such a role. As noted above, he rarely is stopped – however he has plenty of setbacks in this role. His cunning and guile get him out of a lot of these situations as well, which gives him intellect to balance his brawn.
Harry plays both roles near equally – aggressor and defender. When on the offense, he often encounters far more problems, and hits his walls of bad luck. His setbacks can be major as an aggressor. As a defender, however, he nearly always prevails, and with far less bad luck than we usually attribute to him. Add the damsel in distress to this, and Harry takes on a further air of purpose, and becomes more dangerous.
What does Conan offer that Harry hasn’t dealt with before? Not too much, save a particularly sharp tactician’s sense and some solid guile. What does Harry offer that Conan hasn’t dealt with? New tricks on top of old concepts really – the jacket might throw him off a bit, or the ring of stored kinetic energy, but Conan should adapt well enough to the “new tricks”. That leads us out of the realm of mostly even to…
Given the write up above, as soon as Conan put Harry in a potentially deadly situation in which he’s forced to defend himself, especially to aid a woman in need, Harry’s taken on the upper hand. I don’t particularly agree that either combatant would have fought as written, but playing chips as they fall, this one goes to Harry.
I think the outcome of this match would depend entirely on what WORLD they are fighting in. If Harry was taken to Conan’s world, Conan would win. If Conan was taken to Harry’s, Harry would win. But there is also more here than the home-field advantage.
Conan is big and smart. That seems to be the given. But Harry had already come across “big and smart” and kick it’s butt.
So if they were both put into a neutral world and brought their respective rules along, Harry would win, hands down.
Harry brings a gun to sword fight and loses? Wow…
You guys forgot about Harry’s death curse. Even if conan won he looses! LOL
The writer of the fight seems to know as much about Harry as I do about Conan.
Next to nothing
Firstly Harry’s weapon of choice is his blasting rod not his staff.
Secondly Harry had a file on Conan. And paraphrasing Harry, a Wizard that prepares for a battle is neigh on unbeatable.
Also Harry would know Conan’s weapon of choice is a sword and MO of taking down Wizards. Harry then would have brought his own sword and gun, and to that end would have raised shields before sending out his “blast of energy”.
Seriously “blast of energy”? That could mean anything?
Harry has laid flat entire buildings with “blasts of energy”
Also a hit to Harry’s duster from the back wouldn’t have flatted him. Maybe a bit of a stagger not a pratt fall on his face. Even so it only takes a second for Harry to bring up his shield.
With an assault from behind he would have raised his shield long before he hit the ground and rolled over.
So if we take into account that somehow Conan got past the dusters defences, Harry hit the ground, rolled over without counter attack. If he then had enough time to see Conan leap at him raise his hand and yell….
He also had time to raise shields, fire his force rings or maybe just maybe do some actual magic.
I don’t know call me crazy, but why in the entire fight the only “Advantage” Harry gets to use is one highly inaccurate “blasted of energy”. Conan gets to use his super speed, super strength and his weapon of choice and Harry get zilch. Biased much?
Also is this cage match set while Lashiel had taken up residence in Harry’s brain? Hence Hellfire and the knowledge and power of a Fallen Angel at his disposal. Or is this post Lash with Harry’s power boost from Uriel and hence Soulfire.
This is actually a proper question for the Conan fans. Many of you have said that Conan has capped off various Wizards. Has he gone up against Angels? Fallen or otherwise? What’s his batting average?
I think as of Small Favour team Dresden had taken out nine fallen angels.
Lastly and by no means the least. The final reason the author of this fight has no comprehension of Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden…..
“Harry jumped up, grabbing his staff and rushing out the office door, leaving his cold coffee and sandwich to molder all over the case files.”
Coffee and Sandwich?? I’m sorry that should be Coke and Burger King or in a pinch Pizza. A sandwich that’s just plain ridiculous.
Pure bull, I love Conan, I really do. But Harry brings the noise every damn time. If this fight took place anytime after the 5th book in the series? Please, Conan would be paste. I agree, Conan is fast, strong, and smart. But is he stronger than the 2nd eldest Bill Goat Gruff (If you haven’t read it it sounds silly but it’s a fucking awesome fight). Is he faster than White, Red, or Black Court vampires? Is he smarter than Harry’s Godmother the Leansidhe? The way Conan wins his fights in the end is boldness and implacability. He does stuff no sane person would try,is smart enough to figure out how to do it without immediately dying, and is strong enough to make it work. Something Harry does really well too. But Harry also plans. He doesn’t have one ring filled with enough kinetic energy to send a grown man flying 30 feet through the air, he now has 5 triple rings that can send a grown man flying through the air. I’m not going to do the force equation but if you take enough force to send a 180lb man flying 30ft and multiply it by 15? Its going to turn a rouge elephant into goo let alone a normal human. Harry wins, tough fight, he takes his licks, but Harry wins.
I LOVE Harry… but I also LOVE Conan. Harry is one kick ass wizard and, well, very very powerful in his own right. Especially when he plays with the dark side. But, on the other hnad, Conan ahs killed Gods and very very powerful wizards. So…
You could also look up a little ‘What if’ tale that brought Conan to a future earth and he ended up beign killed by a gun. Harry has a gun.
Tough call.
It won’t be easy for him, it never is, but Harry will come out on top.
to quote luke skywalker ” NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO”
I love Conan, but I was disappointed he won, for the sake of realism.
Don’t worry Dresden fans, the private eye will get his post-mortem revenge when Conan goes up against Rand al’Thor next round… Goodbye barbarian, say hello to being instantly obliterated into non-existence. Not that Harry would have faired any better against the Dragon Reborn, but still.
Well Rand better get a bye, because conan is now dead. You kill Dresden, you get smacked with a death curse…it’s not avoidable.
It is possible to avoid a death curse. You simply don’t let the wizard (or witch as the case may be) time to send their curse before you kill them. So Rand’s use of balefire would erase Harry to before he uttered his death-curse. Problem solved.
So I have to ask, having waded through all of these, ahve the people who have written these blurbs read ANY of the source material? Because every character has been massively OOC.
Conan wins (Harry have no chance).
Someone don’t belive that sometimes sword is stronger than guns… Let me tell you that Conan can throw sword or knife as James Coburn do in “The Magnificent Seven” (1960).
Conan fights against most powerful wizards of his age:
1) Thot-Amon
- The most powerful of all Stygian sorcerers, he is a master strategist, and is capable of setting traps and schemes.
2) Xaltotun
- is by far the most dangerous black wizard Conan ever faces, in any of the Conan stories. The one time Conan faces Xaltotun in direct combat, Xaltotun brushes Conan aside as easily as if he were swatting a fly, blasting him unconscious with a flick of his hand.
Yes, he fight and lived to tell the tale.
About Conan:
- Despite his brutish appearance, Conan uses his brain as well as his brawn. The Cimmerian is a talented fighter, he is also a talented commander, tactician and strategist, as well as a born leader. Conan prefers to fight with a single sword and an open off-hand, which he uses for punching and grapplin.
Some of his hardest victories have come from fighting single opponents of inhuman strength: one such as Thak, the ape man from “Rogues in the House,” or the strangler Baal-Pteor in “Shadows in Zamboula.
Best part of Conan is that he is very difficult to defeat in hand-to-hand combat. Conan needs only to have his back to the wall so that he cannot be surrounded, and then is capable of engaging and killing opponents by the score.
Although Conan is muscular, Howard frequently compares his silence, suppleness, agility, way of moving to that of a panther – see, for instance, “The Servants of Bit-Yakin” (”Jewels of Gwahlur”), Beyond the Black River or “Rogues in the House”.
An in the end little trivia about Conan vs. guns:
- in comics story “What if…Conan the Barbarian Walked the Earth Today?” (#13) we see in page 38, 42 & 44 (Harry would end like that bandit in page 44) how Conan fights against gun with no sword
in No. 43 What if…series (What if…Conan the Barbarian..were stranded in the 20th Century?” he fights against Captain America and wins…
Conan wins (Harry have no chance).
Someone don’t belive that sometimes sword is stronger than guns… Let me tell you that Conan can throw sword or knife as James Coburn do in “The Magnificent Seven” (1960).
Conan fights against most powerful wizards of his age:
1) Thot-Amon
- The most powerful of all Stygian sorcerers, he is a master strategist, and is capable of setting traps and schemes.
2) Xaltotun
- is by far the most dangerous black wizard Conan ever faces, in any of the Conan stories. The one time Conan faces Xaltotun in direct combat, Xaltotun brushes Conan aside as easily as if he were swatting a fly, blasting him unconscious with a flick of his hand.
Yes, he fight and lived to tell the tale.
About Conan:
- Despite his brutish appearance, Conan uses his brain as well as his brawn. The Cimmerian is a talented fighter, he is also a talented commander, tactician and strategist, as well as a born leader. Conan prefers to fight with a single sword and an open off-hand, which he uses for punching and grapplin.
Some of his hardest victories have come from fighting single opponents of inhuman strength: one such as Thak, the ape man from “Rogues in the House,” or the strangler Baal-Pteor in “Shadows in Zamboula.
Best part of Conan is that he is very difficult to defeat in hand-to-hand combat. Conan needs only to have his back to the wall so that he cannot be surrounded, and then is capable of engaging and killing opponents by the score.
Although Conan is muscular, Howard frequently compares his silence, suppleness, agility, way of moving to that of a panther – see, for instance, “The Servants of Bit-Yakin” (”Jewels of Gwahlur”), Beyond the Black River or “Rogues in the House”.
An in the end little trivia about Conan vs. guns:
- in comics story “What if…Conan the Barbarian Walked the Earth Today?” (#13) we see in page 38, 42 & 44 (Harry would end like that bandit in page 44) how Conan fights against gun with no sword
in No. 43 What if…series (What if…Conan the Barbarian..were stranded in the 20th Century?” he fights against Captain America and wins…
Sorry for two posts. My connection was lost…
Conan…never…ever…EVER…loses…
Harry is about to get his ass kicked in an epic manner.
:C
Harry shoulda won that.
Conan is brilliant, fast, and strong…
But Dresden is pretty clever, fast, a spell slinger, and has tricks up his sleeve that the Cimmerian would have a hard time anticipating and probably could not counter.
. . .
Harry = win. He’s been up against things smarter, tougher, and faster, AND STILL KICKED A$$. C’mon, “no one’s that fast”? You play this as though he fights vanilla humans as a challange instead of farie queens and fallen angels.
Conan only won this one because he has a larger fan base. Weighed equally? No way. Even if he’s being choked, there’s still enough breath left to mutter a death curse, and Conan is screwed. So in endgame, Conan cannot win with what he’s doing even if somehow Dresden dies.
Harry would never be beaten by Conan. Period with a capital P. Y’all didn’t even read the Dresden Files did you?
Dresden wins hand down. he is far smarter then conan and would figure something out. also harry has MAGIC Conan may have killed wizards but harry is a cockroach that will never die. harry killed a Juggernaut werewolf of legend. and when harry gets pissed he has been stated to have enough power to blow up a city Harry Nuff said
This begs the question… when has Harry lost? He has decidedly come out on top in every major conflict of his career. This includes his mentor when he was like, twelve, the demigod/god level Faerie Courts (both at once), and even continues to thwart an almighty-seeming unknowable mastermind super wizard that the white council cant even find, much less put a stop to. On top of all this Harry has achieved all these wonderfully difficult things while suffering an apparently unending string of unfortunate events, ill luck, and any and all Murphy’s law applications. Plus Harry has a magnum. What now?
Thanks for commenting! Comments are now closed on this post, but you can follow this match’s winner in the next fight, open 3/15 at 10:30 EST!