The apocalypse is coming! What form will it take and how will you survive the catastrophe? Read the scenarios and vote on how you would survive!
So you’re running a little to work today. It’s ok, it happens to everyone. Since you don’t have time for that oatmeal you promised you’d make, you swing by McDonald’s and pick up a McGriddle.
But even though you’re running late, you’re not actually running. You’re just hurrying. It’s not enough to burn the 10,000 calories you just shoved in your mouth. I don’t care how delicious a McGriddle is (mmm…. McGriddle…).
Fast food is going to be the downfall of society as we know it. It’s happening all around us. You think McDonald’s is trying to be healthy with their wraps and their apple slices. Hah. Ever wondered why McDonald’s apple slices taste better than other apple slices? I’ll tell you. Grease. And let’s face it, you go to McDonald’s for burgers and fries, man, don’t lie. At least KFC is honest about their agenda to fatten up mankind. So is Krispy Kreme.
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But today is the day our legs will buckle under the weight of our fat bodies, our lungs will be unable to expand in our lard-encased chest cavities, and our eyelids will struggle and fail to defy the heavy folds of our fleshy faces. In short we will all end up as large, beached Jabba the Hutts, and slip away into eternal sleep dreaming of deep fried Double Downs dipped in chocolate, with a light dusting of powdered sugar… leaving only Jared to clean up after our greasy remains (and you know he’ll figure out how to make a partly dehydrated low-calorie fresh non-fast food sandwich out of whatever slog we leave behind).
Ways to defy this:
1. Curiosity killed the cat. Don’t buy Double Downs. It’s not worth it.
2. Gorge yourself on Double Downs. Maybe if you eat as many as you can in one sitting you’ll be so sick you won’t be able to eat one, ever again. Like that one night in Mexico, with the tequila.
3. Introduce a rodent of choice to your local chain fast food restaurant. Rejoice as restaurant closes. Repeat as needed to other restaurants. Please leave Chipotle alone.
4. Consume only locally grown, organic soy based products
How do you survive fast food?customer surveys
Thank god for this post. I was in danger of going to the nutritional dark side. Now the visuals you have given me will keep me up at night and on my trainer.
fun and factual stuff
LOL! Great post! I’ll have you know that I’m already one of THOSE people at the farmer’s market, so good luck trying to fight me for the last soy burgers and strawberry kefir…
Point # 3 made me nearly drop my I-phone I was laughing so hard.
Awesome.
Ok, yes, the Double Down is nasty… but McDonald’s sausage breakfast burrito is worth sacrificing a few years of my life. I do not kid. MMMM so good.
I, for one, welcome our new, sausage-fingered overlords.
I say put all those rodents to work! No more easy street for them little rascals! Everyone and every critter needs to pitch in! And to heck with them if they don’t want to! We’ll make ‘em! We’re on the verge of a global disaster, for gosh darn sakes! Jumping Jehosephat!! Criminy!
I don’t even know what a double down is but point #2 is so true…I can’t even touch Krispy Kreme after I housed a dozen…or so. Ew. Great post!