ESCAPE FROM EARTH DAY: Ninja Attack

The apocalypse is coming! What form will it take and how will you survive the catastrophe? Read the scenarios and vote on how you would survive!
It’s something you didn’t expect–but that’s exactly the point.
One moment you’re sitting at a café, sipping a latte and commenting on how you need to go the farmer’s market to pick up some fresh arugala for a salad you were planning to make when your girlfriend–absently struggling to do the New York Times crossword puzzle–makes a gurgling noise.
You look up, and see a shuriken in her chest.
The ninjas have come.

It was really only a matter of time. Ninjas are the deadliest force on Earth: silent, deadly, and the only people who can truly pull off wearing pajamas in the middle of the day (Oh, sure, the Hare Krishnas try, but they’re love of peace and tambourines make them less intimidating than ninjas). They could be dressed in all-black in the middle of a sandy desert at noon, and you still wouldn’t see them.
And then they’re already behind you, slicing your throat with a wakazashi
Think about it another way–what’s the only defense against a ninja? That’s right: another ninja. Which means you’re fighting katana with katana. And once the one ninja defeats the other, what do you think is going to happen? That he’s going to smoke-bomb disappear into the sunset?
Guess again–he’s going to remember he’s a stealthy killing machine and come after you.
Know what else? There are way more of them out there than you think.
See that bush in the park? No, you don’t.
Because that’s a ninja.
Homeless guy?
Ninja.
The cute dog wearing a ridiculous retro down-vest?
Ninja.
Barack Obama…
Well, let’s just say you don’t want to mess with that guy.
The only good thing is that it should be a relatively quick and painless death. These are expert killers, remember–they’re not going to waste time torturing you with inefficient murder. They’re a quick moving, invisible plague, and there time is now.
How do you survive?
1. You pick up The Ninja Handbook and try to become a ninja yourself, hoping to God no one notices that you’re not very good at ninja-ing.
2. You commit seppuku–not really “surviving,” but at least robbing them of the chance to kill…too late, they killed you.
3. Become a pirate, the ninja’s only natural enemy (read the
4. Run to Chuck Norris’ house and pray that he’s home
How do you survive a ninja attack?online surveys